I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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