Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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