I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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