Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
