I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
