I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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