i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
