it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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