Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
