the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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