My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
