I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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