I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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