We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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