curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
