Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
