It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
