your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
