Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I would ride that face into the sunset
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
