Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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