Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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