the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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