did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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