yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
