the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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