it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
