Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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