Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
