I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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