So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
