I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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