You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just gargled with NyQuil
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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