i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
