She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A bitchslap is in order.
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