Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
