Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
