I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
