I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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