ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
