he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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