No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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