he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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