weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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