why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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