three words: i give head
three words: not that well
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
