How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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