Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
soo... how was my night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
