Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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