we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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