butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
