i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
