Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
