My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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