New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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