I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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