Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
