its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
