Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
