Im at strip club and am horny
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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