just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
