I faked an abortion last night.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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