I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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