my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
