Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Couch. On fire.
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