I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
