she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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