i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
